One of the Lord’s great gifts is to transform a difficult relationship into a blessing. Jan Dow was a woman in our church in Novato who gave me more trouble than any other person in our congregation. Jan and her husband Lloyd had helped start our first Church of the Open Door in their house in Mill Valley in 1972. They joined our church in Novato shortly after we started the Open Door there in 1976. I was a senior pastor in my twenties and full of zeal for Jesus. Jan was a realtor who had her own ideas about how to serve the Lord. Jan and I both loved the Lord, but we often clashed.
I was talking with an older pastor one day and mentioned the conflicts Jan was having with me and with several women in our church. He suggested that I “get rid of her.” After our talk, the scripture that came to me was “Whoever does not love their brother whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.” (I John 4:20).
I knew removing Jan from our church was not the Lord’s plan at that time. However, she and I had some frank discussions about her behavior and changes she needed to make to get along with people in our church. These were emotionally difficult discussions, but they were productive. Conflicts with Jan became rare after these blunt talks.
In 1979, Jan came to me and told me the Lord wanted her to help us buy a house. She may as well have suggested we go to the moon. In those days, Kristina and I had no money in the bank, no money for a down payment and a salary that was too small for us to qualify to get a loan. I didn’t discourage her, because we wanted a house, but Jan had many wild ideas, so I didn’t take this idea very seriously.
Within a few weeks, Jan found a savings and loan officer who agreed to accept a $10,000 deposit into his S+L as collateral for a home loan. She raised $7000 from a group of friends who loved us and agreed to put in her $3000 real estate commission when we found a house. Severin and Sheryl Morrison lent us money for a down payment. Jan took us to look at a nice four-bedroom house in Novato on a cul de sac. Everything came together and we became the owners of our first home, just like Jan had said the Lord wanted.
We sold our Novato house when we moved to Phoenix and were able to buy a house here, as well as a rental we used as a discipleship house. A couple of years later, Lloyd and Jan moved to Phoenix and helped us with Living Streams as our church developed. They eventually moved to Colorado to be near their son. Jan and Lloyd both died this past year. Before they went to be with the Lord, I got to thank them for the many blessings they brought to Kristina and me. They helped us buy our home and build two great churches. They taught me about the wisdom of God’s word.
Jesus said that loving one another is his priority for us. When we love one another, there can be practical benefits that go beyond what we would ever expect. One of these great benefits is the joy that comes through friends.
There is no contradiction between our desire to have fruitful, joyful lives and Jesus’ command for us to love one another. Love necessitates that we work through struggles in our relationships. All healthy relationships have struggles. Working out relationships takes courage, time and energy. Therefore, since Jesus wants us to have abundant lives, the time and energy it takes for us to work out our relationships will somehow bring us blessings.
Sometimes reconciliation proves illusive. Our best efforts may seem futile. However, following the Lord’s command to love your brother is not a destination that ends in shame. It is a path with twists and turns that eventually leads to eternal life. When we love each other like Jesus commands, he can reward us in surprising ways.