Ministry Faux Pas

I came home tired one afternoon recently. As I was unwinding, reading a magazine, my phone buzzed with a call from an unknown number. I assumed it was a scammer. Rather than letting it go to voicemail, I answered with a slow awkward drawl, to make them regret calling me. “Helllloooo.”
“Hello. Is this pastor Mark Buckley? I’m the chairman of the board of our church and we have a crisis we need some help with.”
He explained the crisis and I agreed to help. I also realized I need to save my anti-scammer greetings for times when the actual bad guys call.
I could write a book about the mistakes I have made and the crazy things I have seen in churches, but most of them are too confidential to print. With the exception of this next story I will limit this Reflections to a few light faux pas of my own:
1) Years ago, Living Streams Church held a potluck dinner in our 20th Street fellowship hall. After a blessing, we walked along the food tables and returned to our seats to eat. Halfway through the meal, Jon, who was sitting next to me said, “Man, this soup is rich!”
I looked over at him in surprise because I had not seen any soup. “Jon, you just ate a bowl of the ranch salad dressing!”
“I thought it was a little thick,” he replied.
2) At another church, where I was leading a memorial service in a large sanctuary, every pew was filled with people. At the end of the service, I stood at the altar for the benediction. After praying from my heart, I tried to lead the congregation in the Lord’s prayer.
Soon after, I said, “Our Father who art in heaven…” I realized these folks were not accustomed to praying out loud, because they were very quiet. I became disconcerted and I forgot the order of the words to the prayer. I had been praying the Our Father aloud since I was two years old, but I spaced out on it.
My voice, which had been booming over the microphone, dropped to a mumbled whisper. I was hoping the few who were praying out loud would carry us along until I recovered, but I couldn’t hear them. After more mumbling into the mic, I remembered the final verses and we stumbled through to the end.
It wasn’t fatal, but it was a lame way to close a memorial service.
3) One time I was leading a wedding ceremony for a young couple in an ornate sanctuary in Tiburon, California. Towards the end, as the groom’s family sat happily on one side of the aisle and the bride’s family was smiling on the other side, I had the couple face the congregation and I introduced them as husband and wife.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you Robert and Cathy…”
Nobody clapped. Everyone sat in stunned silence. I realized my mistake. “I’m sorry. It’s Robert and Nancy…”
The bride’s dad looked at his wife with a “Why did we have this jerk to do the wedding?” expression.
4) One of my classic faux pas took place after we moved our Living Streams services into the Shadow Mountain High School activity center. There were a couple of hundred people attending one Sunday. The large room had tile floors which made the sound reverberate.
As I was preaching, I became distracted by a guy in the front row who kept shutting his eyes as he listened to me. I thought he was nodding off in boredom. I always like to keep people’s attention because I hate it when sermons make me sleepy.
I added a spicy illustration at one point, but he kept his eyes shut anyway. Then I began to SHOUT OUT one of my points like a TV evangelist. The man immediately opened his eyes wide. I felt I had connected with him.
However, a few minutes later, he started to nod off again. So, I SHOUTED OUT my next point and he immediately sat up straight and stared at me. I thought I had found a new preaching rhythm.
At the conclusion of my message, I invited anyone in the congregation with a special need to come forward to receive prayer.
Most of the people stood up and walked out towards the back of the room. The one person who came up to me for prayer was the man in the front who had been closing his eyes.
“How can I pray for you?” I asked him.
“Pastor, he replied, “The doctor gave me eye drops. I put in them in my eyes this morning and it hurts me to keep my eyes open. Will you pray for me?”
I had started yelling because I thought my sermon had lacked power, when all the while, I was simply startling this man into opening his eyes. I felt really stupid. No wonder everyone else left the room so quickly.
And I have learned other hard lessons about making assumptions.
5) One time in San Rafael, I walked up to two ladies who were talking in our Christian General Store. I had not seen one of them for a while. As I extended my hand to greet her, I said “Oh. I didn’t know you were pregnant. Congratulations!”
She gave me a mortified look and said, “I’m not pregnant!”
I caught myself as I was about to say, “What do you mean? Look at your …”
I don’t think I ever saw that lady or her friend again.
6) Fifty years ago, I was financially strapped. I needed gas for my truck but had no credit cards or cash other than the change in my pocket. I drove into a gas station and counted my change. I pumped as much gas as I could and then handed the gas station attendant the change to pay for the gas. He looked closely as he counted the change and immediately said, “Hey, this is an Indian Head nickel!”
“Can I have it back please?” I asked him.
“No. It’s mine now.” He replied.
I was upset with him and mad at myself for giving him a valuable collector’s item. However, I held my tongue because it’s easier to regain lost money than a wrecked reputation.
These illustrations were upsetting to me at the time, but I can laugh about them now. Even in more confidential and disturbing situations, the principles remain the same. The grace of God turns the pain of our failures into blessings when we trust him, as long as we don’t withdraw before the process is complete. The Lord may let us fail publicly because our character development is more important than our pride.
There aren’t any perfect pastors, friends, or churches. That’s why we all need a Savior, and He commanded us to love and forgive each other.